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My pregnancy booze binges�ruined my son?s life
Wednesday 31 August 2011
Samantha lawn shockingly boozed throughout her first pregnancy, regularly downing shots and pints of strong lager.
At the height of her addiction, she regularly guzzled up to 16.5 units a day ? eight times the recommended daily limit for women. She even admits downing pints of strong lager and half-litre bottles of brandy during her worst pregnancy binges.
But despite beating her alcoholism seven years ago and now being teetotal, Samantha still lives with the devastation of�having caused serious damage�to her son.
Stanley, now seven, suffers learning difficulties and severe behavioural problems caused by Foetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS). He has the mental age of a four year old, can only read and write his name and will probably never develop mentally beyond the age of 11.
?I hate myself,? admits Samantha, 38, who will always have to care for Stanley. ?I feel guilty every day and some days it?s unbearable. I?ve ruined his life. I?ve tried to explain in a simple way that my drinking hurt him. Once, frustrated, he looked at me and said: ?You did this.? I�hugged him, told him I was so�sorry, then broke down. It?s so�heartbreaking.
?I?ll never forgive myself and worry he?ll probably never live a�normal life ? get married, have children, or work. He can?t keep friends because he lashes out at other kids. What kind of life have I given him??
Samantha adds: ?I was ill when I was having Stanley, I�was addicted to alcohol ? but there?s no excuse for casual binge- drinking in pregnancy.?
It?s a crucial message in light of recent statistics that show 61�per cent of women drink during pregnancy, despite government advice and health warnings highlighting the devastating risks of FAS, including brain damage and�heart defects.
Samantha, from�Slough, who�was studying to become a�psychiatric nurse before she became Stanley?s full-time carer,�admits she began binge-drinking aged just 12.
At first, she drank at parties with older friends but, later, earning money from part-time work, she could afford to buy booze. She says: ?It made me feel less shy ? but I couldn?t stop at one, I always drank until I�blacked out. It was a need.?
By 19, Samantha was drinking 10 or 12 shots and four pints of lager a day. In her 20s, she had two spells of sobriety after attending rehab, but when she found out she was three months pregnant, aged 29, she was regularly drinking strong lager for breakfast, then four pints of�Stella, a couple of pints of snakebite, three WKDs and around half a litre of brandy each day ? often alone at home.
?I didn?t want a baby, I knew I�was off the rails,? explains Samantha, who asked Closer not to name Stanley?s father.
?When I�saw the test was positive, I fell to�my knees, sobbing. I?d been on the Pill but�had often forgotten to�take it. I�considered an abortion but I�couldn?t face it.?
She adds: ?Stanley?s father was shocked, but said he?d stand�by me.?
Samantha made some effort to restrict her drinking but felt it�was impossible to stop and didn?t feel emotionally ready to�attempt rehab again.
?I couldn?t function without alcohol,? she explains. ?I know it sounds like an excuse, but I really was addicted. I wasn?t boozing for fun ? it kept me going. Each day I told myself I?d get it under control, but I never did.?
She adds: ?Stupidly, I thought at worst the baby would get a�hangover. I?d never heard of�FAS. Scans showed he was growing slowly, but no one said it could be because I was drinking.?
However, Samantha admits she hid the extent of her drinking from the doctors and midwives looking after her.
?They told me to stop and keep a diary of what I was drinking, but it wasn?t the help I needed,? she says. ?They didn?t tell me about FAS. I wish they had ? but I should have been honest about how much I�was drinking.
?I drank at home when my bump started showing, drifting away from my mates after one or two of them said I should stop.?
She adds: ?I?d swap lager for Guinness and tell myself the iron was good for the baby to appease my guilt.?
Samantha split with her partner when she was seven months pregnant and moved into her mum?s house. She says:
?I tried to stop drinking then but couldn?t manage more than a�week. I?d get the shakes and sweats. Mostly I drank when Mum was at work to hide it.?
Stanley was born in October 2003 weighing 6lb 1oz: ?They said his head was a bit small but no one mentioned drinking.?
It was only when he reached 16 months that he showed signs of unusual behaviour.
?He was always hyperactive and throwing tantrums ? but I put it�down to early ?terrible twos,?? says Samantha, who, scared she?d lose custody of Stanley because of her boozing, stopped drinking with Alcoholics Anonymous when he was eight months. She?s been teetotal ever since. She admits it was very hard, but seeing Stanley needed her and her fear of losing him really helped her stop. She says: ?I felt I was neglecting Stanley, I�admitted I�needed help. I?d watch him in his cot and cry ? I�just wanted to be a�good mum.?
When Stanley was three, Samantha realised something was seriously wrong. She says: ?He was really aggressive towards other kids ? he?d lash out and throw things.?
Worried, Samantha took him�to see a specialist, who diagnosed him with FAS.
?I broke down in tears,? she recalls. ?It was a bolt out of the blue, I knew nothing about it. The guilt was overwhelming.
?They told me he might not reach his full size and may have learning difficulties. I looked into his innocent eyes and hated myself. All they could tell me was we?d have to wait and see what the effects were.?
Since then, Stanley has undergone therapy and taken medication to calm his moods ? but there is no cure for FAS.
?What I did affects every day of our lives,? says Samantha, who is no longer with Stanley?s dad, but is married and has two more children, aged 16 months and five months. They?re both healthy as she stopped drinking before she fell pregnant with them.
She says: ?I suffer from depression, take medication and have counselling ? some days I�don?t want to carry on.?
And, although Stanley doesn?t fully understand, she?s tried to explain to him that her drinking hurt him, She says: ?I?ve told Stanley what I did. He knows he?s different and sometimes he?ll say the ?stupid alcohol? did it�to him. I only wish someone had�given me the facts.?
By Emily Retter
For advice on FAS, contact The European Birth Mother Support Network. Visit www.eurobmsn.org, email eurobmsngroup@yahoo.com,�or�call 020 7692 1695.���
Posted by kendo2814
RE: My pregnancy booze binges�ruined my son?s life
Even if Samantha didn't know about FAS, she still knew that drinking while pregnant could harm her child. That has been a widely publicised fact, for years... She was selfish and irresponsible and the excuse '?They didn?t tell me about FAS'' is pathetic...
Posted 31/08/2011 14:59:47
Posted by Lauren :)
RE: My pregnancy booze binges�ruined my son?s life
But no one said it could be because of drinking?? That excuse is used several times, it's not good enough. Any mother-to-be knows that any alcohol could harm their baby. It doesn't matter if you don't know about the diseases and complicatons it can cause... you should know that alcohol can cause ANY problems like defects with limbs to brain damage to spine problems.
My mum is 8 1/2 months pregnant and she used to drink quite alot and smoke heavily (which is an addiction in itself)... She really struggled to concieve and she was on medication to help her concieve. It took her over 2 years to become pregnant, she has not done ANYTHING that could harm the baby, NOT DRANK, GAVE UP SMOKING, even researched what foods not to eat that could harm the baby!!
She really has CARED FOR HER BABY she would never do anything to jeopardize the health of her baby... plus she is 42 years old... young mums never take into account any complications that might happen, they think everything is safe at their age... but you're not! and dont trick yourself into thinking it will be you need to give your baby the good things not things that you know damn well will or could cause damage to the baby, even if there is a 0.000000001% it could!!
Posted 31/08/2011 18:07:04
Posted by trueblondie
RE: My pregnancy booze binges�ruined my son?s life
They should show this story to that idiot Holly Piggot, show her how shes affecting her unborn child life! Any person with half a brain knows the damage drinking whilst pregnant can do!
Whilst I feel for Samantha, as she now realises the consquences of her actions, it is too late. Its Stanley I really feel for.
There is a 41year old man on my road with the mental age of a 7 year old. While he is very independant, he lives in a self help home during the week, he has spent his life been tormented by the children who walked past his house.
His mother haemorraged whilst giving birth and he was starved of oxygen, IT WAS NO ONES FAULT!!
Women, sorry to say inparticular young ones, need to step up to the mother mark when faced with pregnancy and if they are really struggling to stop with any sort of addiction or even just selfish act (such as Holly Piggot), they should look at stories like the man on my road.
It really breaks your heart.
Posted 02/09/2011 15:15:39
Posted by sweetgeek
RE: My pregnancy booze binges�ruined my son?s life
She is a very brave girl for sharing her story, its really sad but I believe by sharing it she can help others, who no doubt there are in the same situation to avoid going through the same pain, Sharing her story is a very courageous thing to do and while people have their own opinion I think she lives with and is aware of the consequences every day.
And who says this is a problem that only affects young mums who choose to binge every weekend! Alcoholism is an addiction it affects all areas of society in the same way as mental illness does, young, old, married, single, rich, poor no section if society is immune and I am sure around the country mothers and fathers from a variety of backgrounds struggle with this problem whether they were drinking before or after their children were born.
Posted 06/09/2011 10:46:22
Posted by sweetgeek
RE: My pregnancy booze binges�ruined my son?s life
She is a very brave girl for sharing her story, its really sad but I believe by sharing it she can help others, who no doubt there are in the same situation to avoid going through the same pain, Sharing her story is a very courageous thing to do and while people have their own opinion I think she lives with and is aware of the consequences every day.
And who says this is a problem that only affects young mums who choose to binge every weekend! Alcoholism is an addiction it affects all areas of society in the same way as mental illness does, young, old, married, single, rich, poor no section if society is immune and I am sure around the country mothers and fathers from a variety of backgrounds struggle with this problem whether they were drinking before or after their children were born.
Posted 06/09/2011 10:47:10
Posted by sweetgeek
RE: My pregnancy booze binges�ruined my son?s life
I have known plenty of young mums and older mums who are excellent loving parents. How can all young mums be tarred with the same brush.
I was a young mum (gasp) a lone parent from pregnancy (gasp) I have a loving respectful near teenager now. I have gained an honours degree and am about to start an amazing job and am working to ensure my son is aware of all the opportunities life has to offer him! And I am not the only young parent to bring up there child well!!
Did society support me, no people looked down at me, mums at the baby groups ignored me because I looked so young, I would go home to an empty house and feel completely isolated, I knew the complications of being a young mum - I knew if I fell down the stairs or had an accident in the house nobody would check on me and my kid would be on his own for days on end this fear haunted me for years and was what provoked me to fight for my own future, but it was a case of sink or swim. So its easy to see why people become isolated and unsupported and problems go unnoticed by the people and services that should be looking out for situations like Sam's developing.
In this day and age why can we not support other women in our society not every mum is a stepford wife and while women are constantly put down or discouraged by society for having children at a young age or being lone parent's, we turn our backs on them, slag them off, ignore or isolate them then blame them for society's problems when they cant cope on there own.
Alcoholism has the potential to destroy and damage families and Sams story serves as a warning to others of ALL ages and circumstances so instead of slagging people or sections of society off have a look around you and see if you recognise anyone who may need a bit of support and say hi or say hello to your neighbour as they may be isolated or coping entirely alone and you may be the only adult they get to speak to that day.
Posted 06/09/2011 10:56:57
Posted by asitis
RE: My pregnancy booze binges�ruined my son?s life
Amazing to see the majority of readers queueing up to condemn this woman. Yes she was reckless, stupid, irresponsible and even selfish! Does she know all this?? Anyone that read her story can quite clearly see that she does. She lives with what she has done to her child every single minute of every day. That is punishment enough. Not people getting on their high horses and shooting their mouths off. Must be wonderful to be so perfect!!!
Posted 06/09/2011 19:48:07
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